On June 11, my husband and I welcomed our little bundle of joy, Grayson, into this world. At 2:11 in the morning, our lives changed forever. Being a pediatric Physician’s Assistant, I thoughtI was pretty prepared for my little guy. But everything changes when you’re the parent.
We had a rough beginning in the hospital, after close to 36 hours of labor and a birth that resulted in a C-Section, my ideal plan did not work out. After Grayson was born, we also had a hard time with breastfeeding. Something I felt should have been easy, and something I had experience in helping others do, were both very different with my own child. Grayson had a tongue-tie that made breastfeeding very painful and made it almost impossible for him to latch. By day 3 in the hospital, I was ready to give up. I was feeling guilty, because I was having such bad feelings toward the whole thing, and because, due to some health problems, I had to supplement him with formula.
At Grayson’s first well visit, Dr. Godinez did the procedure to clip his tongue-tie. For something I’d seen at least done a dozen times, it was still scary to watch my baby go through this. Grayson was much more brave than I was, and he didn’t even cry afterwards. The procedure made such a difference for us, and since then breastfeeding has been going well. I’m glad I was able to stick with it.
With Grayson in the world, I find myself worrying much more. When Grayson got his first cold, I overreacted. Even with my experience, I questioned whether I should have him be seen for a sick visit. I remember leaving the hospital in the car worrying, “Are we driving too fast?, What if we get into an accident?, Are we too close to the car in front of us?” There have been too many times to count that I’ve checked on him while he was sleeping, just to make sure he was still breathing.
When I came back to work, I felt the same feelings most working Moms have. I was feeling guilty that I wouldn’t be able to spend the days with my baby. I worried that he would love his sitter more than me. I worried I would miss his big milestones. I worried about pumping at work and having enough milk to feed him. The first day I dropped him off, I cried on my way to work.
But my fears melt away when I come home, and my little guy greets me with his biggest grin — one that’s meant just for me! I’m also so thankful to have my husband as a wonderful partner in this new journey. Without him, I think I would have been lost many times, and he has been there to keep me grounded.
My life has certainly changed for the better since Grayson was born. I can’t imagine my life without him. I love watching him grow and change, and it’s amazing to me that everyday he seems to be learning something new.
Life as a new mom has certainly been overwhelming, but so fulfilling! Even on the worst of days, I would not trade this new life for anything. Seeing my beautiful baby’s smile, or hearing him coo, or just watching him sleep peacefully makes me the happiest person in the world!
I believe as mothers we all have the same goals, the same fears, the same hopes and dreams for our children. Some days are certainly more hectic, and some nights are sleepless. And sometimes I question myself. Am I doing alright?
Something someone told me, and that I think we all need to hear more often, is: “You’re doing a great job!”
So I’d just like to say to all of the new moms out there: You’re doing a GREAT JOB! Keep doing the best you can. And remember: you’re not alone. We’re all in this together.
Brianna Rothbauer is a former Kids Plus Provider.